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Wre e e ecked

1 Oct

“Wrecking Ball”

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain

We jumped, never asking why

We kissed, I fell under your spell

A love no one could deny

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can’t live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball

I never hit so hard in love

All I wanted was to break your walls

All you ever did was wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

I put you high up in the sky

And now, you’re not coming down

It slowly turned, you let me burn

And now, we’re ashes on the ground

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I can’t live a lie, running for my life

I will always want you

Don’t you ever say I just walked away

I will always want you

I hate Tuesdays and coding, extra thinking time. I know a lot of people hate this song because of Miley, naked while swinging the wrecking ball. But hearing it on my way home, I was able to absorb the lyrics.

I tried so hard to climb and break those walls. Thinking that if I did that, I’d be worthy of her love. But love isn’t about trying too little nor is it supposed to be trying too hard.

I feel wrecked.

I’m wishing it’s only a state of mind that I’ll get over eventually.

Anything

26 Sep

‘Cause I’m all turned out, I don’t what to do
I feel so down and out, wish somebody tell me
Hurry up and tell me, what love is all about
Girl, you’re driving me crazy and can’t see you, baby
You can’t leave me alone, I’ll do anything for you
Anything for you

While fixing class stuff, a student asked, “Teacher, is that your LSS (Last Song Syndrome)?” I was so focused with the fixing and the singing, I wasn’t able to absorb the question. The kid repeated, “I said, is that your LSS?” I was caught off guard. I wasn’t even aware I was singing. And of all songs, I was singing that song?? It would be too much to explain to a 4y/o boy so I just gave a smile and a nod, and then I looked away.

No kid, I haven’t heard this song in years. I was in 4th year high school when I first heard that song. I was crying to this song after my first ever heartbreak. Time when you’re too young, too in love and too foolish to think that your first love is your last love, and that you’ll do anything and everything for that person. It is such a heartbreaking song I had to throw away the CD. Yep, CD, because mp3s weren’t available that time yet, if I remember it right.

Oh well.

It’s not that I was thinking of my first love, or so I thought it was love. I wasn’t.

But I really felt bad after my student made me realize I was singing to that painful song. The song is not associated with the first person I felt something for. It was associated with the pain I endured when I was left behind, with the tears I cried every sleeping and waking moment knowing I was alone, and with the inner demons I had to battle just to get me going on my own.

Different person, but same awful situation, or worse.

The Postal Service – Nothing Better

28 Jul

Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs
And repair this broken heart
That you’re deserting for better company?
I can’t accept that it’s over
I will block the door
Like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game of rivalry

So just say how to make it right
And I swear I’ll do my best to comply

Tell me am I right to think
That there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride
And slowly growing old together?

I feel I must interject here
You’re getting carried away
Feeling sorry for youself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember
I’ve made charts and graphs
That should finally make it clear
I’ve prepared a lecture on why I have to leave

So please back away and let me go

I can’t, my darling, I love you so

Tell me am I right to think
That there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride
And slowly growing old together

Don’t you feed me lines
About some idealistic future
Your heart won’t heal right
If you keep tearing out the sutures

I admit that I have made mistakes
And I swear I’ll never wrong you again

You’ve got allure, I can’t deny
But you’ve had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye

BOOM.