Archive | December, 2016

Dec 2016

18 Dec

I can’t wait to be home for the holidays to be with family. My dad is at his weakest, physically. I can imagine it to be the same with my mom, emotionally. Even just for 2 weeks, I want to be there for them.

My tears didn’t stop all weekend. Two things: I know he is in pain and I want him to be free of it, and I just realized he won’t really get to use my Christmas gift. Now that I’m able to give him something special, he won’t be able to enjoy it anyway. Life and its ironies.

I just ended a 3-year relationship as well. Other people’s response about death is  to make the most of the time they have now. But right now, I want to be detached. I’d rather lose someone by choice than nature taking its course. I want my parents to be the last emotional attainment I’ll ever have. My emotional and adversity quotients are too low to handle these things.

It’s 6am in Tokyo. Like the past nights wherein I couldn’t sleep because of work problems, now, I have more things that keep me up, sleepless and overthinking. But my life, my day has to go on.

It’s Sunday, I have part-time work. Got no one to process my thoughts and feelings with so though I hate this and want to resign, thankful for work diversions.

I need rainbows. This heavy downpour must stop soon!