Anything

26 Sep

‘Cause I’m all turned out, I don’t what to do
I feel so down and out, wish somebody tell me
Hurry up and tell me, what love is all about
Girl, you’re driving me crazy and can’t see you, baby
You can’t leave me alone, I’ll do anything for you
Anything for you

While fixing class stuff, a student asked, “Teacher, is that your LSS (Last Song Syndrome)?” I was so focused with the fixing and the singing, I wasn’t able to absorb the question. The kid repeated, “I said, is that your LSS?” I was caught off guard. I wasn’t even aware I was singing. And of all songs, I was singing that song?? It would be too much to explain to a 4y/o boy so I just gave a smile and a nod, and then I looked away.

No kid, I haven’t heard this song in years. I was in 4th year high school when I first heard that song. I was crying to this song after my first ever heartbreak. Time when you’re too young, too in love and too foolish to think that your first love is your last love, and that you’ll do anything and everything for that person. It is such a heartbreaking song I had to throw away the CD. Yep, CD, because mp3s weren’t available that time yet, if I remember it right.

Oh well.

It’s not that I was thinking of my first love, or so I thought it was love. I wasn’t.

But I really felt bad after my student made me realize I was singing to that painful song. The song is not associated with the first person I felt something for. It was associated with the pain I endured when I was left behind, with the tears I cried every sleeping and waking moment knowing I was alone, and with the inner demons I had to battle just to get me going on my own.

Different person, but same awful situation, or worse.

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